On being a married man..

This post is based on a phone conversation Beloved had with his long-time best friend on Christmas eve.

We spent that evening walking around town, having drinks, walking around and then seeing a movie (The Rum Diary – I don’t recommend it, despite it showing an interesting take on journalism). And we talked to Athena, who asked Beloved the oftenest-posed-post-marriage question: So, how does it feel to be married?

After a half  joking half aggravated rant about how the state of marriage mostly consists of telling people how it feels to be married, he did get around to an interesting point. People respond differently to a married man than to a single one. The most interesting example takes place at Beloved’s office. One of the office managers is a just a few years younger than he is. And she never spoke to him for anything other than the necessary in-office communications, but ever since she knows of his plans for marriage (and eventually the actually being married) she chats him up regularly.

Is this the “married man effect“, where a married man is perceived as more attractive because he 1) comes with a stamp of approval by another woman or 2) has shown to be interested in a long term relathionship? Or is it the opposite, where him being “safely married”  makes it socially acceptable to talk to him? There may be a whole host of other reasons, of course, which makes this interesting.

My own hypothesis? I know she’s unmarried, but with a partner and a child. My guess is that she wants to talk wedding because that’s what’s on her ownmind, and she hopes that he can tell her fun things. Doesn’t that somehow make the most sense?

On another noter on feeling married, Beloved and I both enjoy playing the “my wife/ husband-card”. His boss texts him at an ungodly hour to come out to a bar and he doesn’t feel like it? Just text back saying his wife does not allow it. I get pestered about not participating in the work-foosball-competition? “Oh, no I couldn’t, my husband expects me to cook..” It’s fun to have a whole new set of stereotypes to play with. Now we can be gender benders and marriage expanders. Sounds good to me!


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